I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
