I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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