there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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