WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
