his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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