I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
