I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
