my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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