drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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