So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
