Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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