i think my tv is drunk
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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