Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
