I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
