Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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