My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
