like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
