I'll bet she douches with gravy.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
whose ass print is on the piano?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
