Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
