I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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