Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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