so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
