when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
