Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
