what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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