first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize