THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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