You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
