Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
