cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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