So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The best revenge is premature balding
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
