I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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