You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
