I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Who died my cat blue again?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
