He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
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