Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
