dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Randomize
