nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He shit in the fireplace
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
