Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
