I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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