Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
