Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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