thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
