This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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