i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
