Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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