In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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