I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
