You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
