kristin has been a bad kristin
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
