Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
