my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
