I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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