dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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