Plan B is the new Plan A
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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