I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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