She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
