Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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