I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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