My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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