time to smoke my breakfast
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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