dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
