omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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