We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
