I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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