Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
