He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
