Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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