OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
