She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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