Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Oh god it's open bar.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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