Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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