the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
