I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize