We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The Olympian is in my bed
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
