I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
