no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
