I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
