Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
