She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
