I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
