Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
